The Turkish Dude

I was driving down Main Street around 2:30 in the morning and I came across this man that was zig-zag staggering down the street, barely staying on his feet. I pulled up next to him and asked him if he wanted a ride somewhere. He made his way over to my window and just stared at me. I asked him again if he wanted a taxi ride. He said "okay" and got in the back. I asked him where he wanted to go and he asked where he could go at that hour to find women and alcohol. The particular city we are in stops serving or selling alcohol at 1:00 AM. I told him he would have to cross the state-line to buy booze. (The first city into the state of Nevada west of here is Wendover. Wendover is a very, very mini-version of Las Vegas. It is a dirty little gambling town with bars and clubs that are open all night.) My new friend/customer agreed that he wanted to go to Wendover. I told him that it would cost $200 dollars each way. He responded "what...you don't want to go?" I asked him to show me the cash and we headed toward the highway.

As we were driving toward the highway he told me that he had to "take a piss". By now it was nearly 3:00 AM. There really was nowhere to take him. I drove him into an industrial area and into an alley and told him he could "piss" there. He said, "in the alley?" I said, "what do you want me to do? It's 3 AM!" He got out of the car and just fell into the dirt, still quite drunk. I didn't want to lose the fare so I got out and walked around the car, helped him stand up and steadied him by the elbow while he took care of his business. After he finished, I helped him back into the car and off we went.

No sooner did we get on the highway, he was passed out cold. I could hear him breathing really loud and heavy. The drive to Wendover takes about ninety minutes. When we were about 10 mintues out of town he sat up, ready to have another drink.

When we walked into the casino, the entry had about eleven or twelve stairs going downward. I grabbed on to his elbow to steady him. He shrugged me away and said that he could do it on his own. I let him go and he took one step down and lost his footing and rolled down to the bottom. He cut his forehead and one of his hands. His blazer was a wreck. He got up and walked straight over to the bar and started tipping back tequila. He was so sloppy, I collected the cash for a one-way fare and left him there on his bar stool.

I saw him back in town a few days later. I was sitting in front of one of the busier bars in the city and a pretty SUV pulled up next to me. There was a younger woman driving, looked like a "dancer" of sorts. He stumbled out of the passenger seat and made his way over to the line. I yelled his name out the window. He looked over at me and staggered to my window and stared at me for a minute. He said, "you left me there!"

Sketchy Passengers

I picked up a group that I immediately deemed "sketchy" in a part of town already established as being "sketchy". They were at a hole in the wall bar called AJ's. We finally got the other guy to come over to the cab because I drove off. He came running and yelling behind us. Anyway, he got in the front seat and immediately became my best friend, patting me on the shoulder everytime he said anything. He said a lot. I mostly ignored him. He felt "disrespected". (You just can't ignore anyone these days, without it becoming personal) Not far into the trip a guy and girl who must have been in a relationship of some sort, started screaming at each other. At the intersection going through town we stopped at a red light. The guy was fumbling with the door behind me trying to unlock it. In order to rid myself of one screamer, I unlocked it for him. He jumped out. The girl screamed that he wasn't going anywhere and jumped out after him. The guy that was patting me on the shoulder up front also decided he wanted to jump out. Of course he couldn't use his own door though. He had to climb in between the front seats to exit the back door. There were still two more people on the rear bench. We continued on down the highway with the door open. It is a minivan, by the way.

irish/italians

So there is a brother/sister duo that I pick up regularly at one of the dive bars downtown. I am pretty sure they are Irish and Italian. She has the most reddest hair you ever saw, unless you count her little boy. I don't know about her brother's hair. He must be balding or balded because I have never seen him without his hat on, and he won't go to a bar that won't allow hats. Anyway, several weeks ago I picked them up at that bar and she asked me if she could count on me to pick her up at her friend's house the next night, after they "partied". Of course I obliged. She is known, by me, for her excessive drinking, generally pretty much trashed whenever I see her. Hence the cab ride. Aware of this, I texted her the next afternoon and asked her to give me the exact address sometime before the drinks started flowing so that I would know where to find her that night and wouldn't have any problem. She responded and said that my idea was good and provided the address. The previous night she had asked me to plan to pick her up around 11 pm. In my text I told her that I would see her around 11 or 11:30 pm. I arrived on her friend's street around 12 AM or a little after. I wanted to give her plenty of time. I pulled up to the house where there was a group of 5 or 6 people drinking out on the porch. I could see her wild red curly hair in the back of the group, highlighted by the porch light. I didn't let on that she stood out that much, instead I just asked if there was an Ashley in the group. The people just stared at me like "what in the world are you doing here". She told me that she hadn't called me yet and I told her that we had planned on 11 PM. She didn't choose to remember that and told me that she would call when ready. Ohh which reminds me. The whole reason she this was even an issue was that the previous night she was too drunk to save my number in her phone. I couldn't figure her fancy new phone either so she said just to call her. I decided not to count on her trying to find my number in her text messages and just showed up as planned. Anyway, she turned me away. I slumped back into my cab feeling like a total sucker and drove off. She never did call that night.



The next week she was at their house again. She had gotten more drunk than usual I guess and had vomited a couple of times. They went through her phone and found my number and called and asked me to come and get her. I drove out there and when I arrived, she happened to be vomiting again. Fun. Better in their house than in my cab right? I drove her home as quickly and not vomit inducing as I could and made sure she got in her door. She is a belligerant drunk.



Last night her brother called me around midnight and asked me if I could come get her at the dive bar and take her home. After taking her home I was to return and pick him up to go to his house, about 20 minutes north of the city. She was fairly drunk again but functioning better than other times. We got within about half a mile from her house and then the drama started.



In recent months she has fallen head over heels for one of her brother's drinking buddies. It is bad. He is a nice guy though, just not all that prone to commitment. I had the honor of dropping them off the night they first hooked up. I think he more or less hooked up because he was drunk and she was drunk and very, very aggressive. Bad idea. Anyway, she has since fallen for him in a bad way. He hasn't helped matters much either. Back to the current story...



So we are nearing her house and she has been carrying on the whole ride about how last week she wrote a 3 page love letter to him and bore her heart and soul out to him. He told her they would "discuss things" this weekend. Apparently he is out of town this weekend, gone to California. As we approached her house she asked me to turn around and go to his house. I told her it was a bad, bad idea. She said he wouldn't even know because he was out of town. I told her it was a bad, bad idea. She said he wouldn't even know and that she just wanted to sleep in his bed. I told her it was a bad idea and that we were almost to her house and she should just sleep in her bed. She insisted that we go to his house and that she knew where he kept his spare key. I told her that there were some potential legal ramification for entering his house without his permission, even if she did know were a key was stashed. She told me that she wasn't going to pay the cab fare unless I took her to his house. I AM in the business to acquire wealth right? I took her. The entire way there I told her again that it was a bad idea. I also told her that I was saying a prayer in my heart that she wouldn't find the key and also that he wouldn't be there to catch us in our bad, bad idea. We got there around 1AM. I don't know which condo this guy lives in exactly. I just drive into the complex and he gets out and goes home. She apparently doesn't know which one is his either. My excuse is that I have never been there. I don't think that she has an excuse, all I know is that she has been there many times. She tries a door, looks around for the fake rock this key is suppose to be in, no rock anywhere. She turns the doorknob and it is unlocked. I tell her it is a bad idea to open the door. She backs away. We go to another door. She is "sure" this is the right one. She is puzzled as to where the fake rock with the hidden key is. My guess is that the rock isn't there because it isn't the right place. I was sober though. She tries the door, it is locked. She goes through the weeds and flowers in front, to no avail. We go around back to where there is a little fenced in patio area. She can't figure out how to open the fence, I don't help her. She starts to climb over the 7 foot fence. I tell her it is a bad idea, grab her by the arm gently and ask her if we can "please, please go to her house now" as we have had a delightful adventure. She very, very reluctantly allows me to drag her back to the cab. She gets in and we go. What would have been a 15$ ride home became a 70$ ride home for her. I dropped her off and went and took her brother home. Done.

just a taste

So Friday night I this guy comes up to my cab and helps himself into the front passenger seat next to me and slumps over. I turn to him and ask him, "so where we going?" He mumbles "I don't want to talk about it." I look at him and shake my head, which he doesn't see because as I said, he is slumped over. He looks like he either died, or that he is about to lose his lunch. I tell him that I really need to know where he is going. He tells me a random suburb to head toward and slumps back over. I tell him again that I need an address (based on his appearance and my experience, he was going to pass out long, long before we ever made it to his house) He just mumbles the suburb again and I pull over to the side of the road and tell him if he doesn't give me a real address that he can just get out right here. He gives me an address which isn't an address but just a corner. I tell him since he won't give me an address I have to take him back to the club and he can get another cab. He says "I've had a really hard day!" I tell him that I had nothing to do with that and I still need his address. He yells @&#! you! I tell him thank you and i'll be taking you back to the bar now. He says he was just joking and I tell him that I wasn't joking. He says please just take him home and he'll pay me double the fare. I tell him that he won't pay me double and even if he would, I don't want it. (There are three things people regularly tell their cabbie, that are lies 99% of the time. One: I'll make it worth your while. Two: I'll take care of you. Three: I'll tip you phat! LIES, LIES, LIES!) So I take him back to where I picked him up and as he gets out he teaches me a few more expletives and I am on my way to another.